You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
