If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
