i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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