you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
