I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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