and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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