I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And then he peed in my hair
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
