Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
