I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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