Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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