Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
