i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
