I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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