No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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