If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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