Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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