im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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