Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
