Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
