Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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