Umm I'm too high to move.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
