hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
