maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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