uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
