The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
