So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
