If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
