I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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