I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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