when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
