i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We are two peas in an std pod
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
