I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
