"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Enjoy the penises
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
