sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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