i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
