If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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