Can i not drive my cunt home
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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