Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
