That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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