called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
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Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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