I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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