I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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