You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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