Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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