3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
