last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
