"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
