3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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