Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
