I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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