I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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