I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
