Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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