omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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