dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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