Are we in a gay sports bar?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
