one two three fourrrrnication!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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