can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
