I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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